It may come as no surprise that The Biggest Loser is one of my favorite television shows. I've lost a total of 65 pounds, went from a size 14 to a size 2, and most importantly, I've kept it off going on six months. I've accomplished something that I once thought impossible, and I find tremendous joy in others who are willing to do the same thing.
Losing weight is a strange thing. You change, and the way others perceive you also changes. It reminds me of high school in a way—I wasn't the pretty, popular girl, but I sure as hell liked it when she talked to me. People I've barely spoken to approach me now to gush over how great they think I look, and even my husband has people doting over my transformation. Here's the thing that gets me—I didn't do anything that you couldn't do, too.
I was sitting on my living room couch last night in a brand new pair of size 2 Banana Republic skinny jeans, Kleenex to my eye to catch my mascara tears as I marveled over a group of 15 contestants wearing shirts with their weight written on the front and back. Can you imagine being on television with your weight displayed to the world? Could I have done it when I'd started this whole thing? Would I be willing to do it now? If I was standing next to any one of them, there would be an immediate perceivable difference—I am thin, they are not. Well, that's bullshit. On the outside we may be different, yes, but on the inside, our hearts are the same. On the inside, we all want a change. On the inside, we just want to be loved for who we are and not what we look like.
It's honestly harder for me to write about my weight now than it was when I started losing it. Why? Because people don't see who I was before, they see who I am now. And they assume that since I'm thin, I can eat whatever I want and not have to worry about it. I promise you, that's not the case. I'm the size I am because I've learned how to say no to food. I'm the size I am because I've learned that I can't let food compensate for a bad day. Stuffing my face with junk never made me feel any better about myself, but losing weight did.
I think it's important to emphasize that just because I've reached my goal weight doesn't mean my battle is over. It would be oh so easy for me to slip back into those bad habits that led to an unhealthy weight in the first place. It would be oh so easy, which I why I can't let it. I still have to make a choice every single day about what I put in my mouth. So when the "skinny" girl tells you politely that no, she does not want a doughnut, it's for a very good reason.
